Have you ever been so moved by a song that it’s as if it was written just for you at just this moment in time?
It happened to me this morning.
As I was out on my prayer walk I was listening to Matt Redman’s CD Beautiful News. Matt’s journey is paved with pain and sorrow and he courageously lives his life out loud through his music so his songs often speak to me.
This morning from the first note of his song Fearfully And Wonderfully Made I had a quickening in my spirit like “Hey, listen up, this is for you!” It’s the line “So what am I gonna do with this life You gave me?” that is resonating with me today. Reverberating like a bass drum in my spirit I cannot gat away from the question.
What am I going to do with this life you gave me Lord? That is the question I am pondering and have been pondering for the last four months. Four months in a spiritual wilderness. Four months asking myself “what just happened there?” Four months doing battle with confusion and anger, pushing back and resisting depression. Four months of confessing, repenting and forgiving, Four months of waiting and waiting and waiting.
I have lived in Isaiah 40 particularly verses 27-31
27 Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Today I feel like the path is starting to lead out of the wilderness. I am cautiously putting my feet on this path and trusting the Lord that now is the time to prepare to move forward.
Jesus seems to be highlighting the “number”s of this journey recently. I believe that numbers have meaning in God’s economy so I did a little research on the biblical meaning of numbers. I was super encouraged by what I discovered. Please understand, this was not an extensive research into all the theological sides of this. I did a few days study on this as I felt the Lord’s leading on it.
Here is what I discovered in brief:
Four is the number of creation, earth, space, completion, creative works etc. (It also encompasses things like the four elements: water, earth, fire, air; the four seasons and four directions. (This particular part of my journey started in April, the fourth month also the month I was born in).
Five is the number for God’s grace, favor, redemption, atonement, life, the divine name of god, a new song, the cross and anointing.
August is the eight month and eight is the number for man’s ability to transcend limits of physical existence, teacher, new birth, resurrection, new beginnings, make fat, super-abounding in strength.
September is the ninth month and nine is the number for completion, end, conclusion, finality, fullness of the blessings, evangelist, summing up, manifestation of the Spirit, judgment, serpent and tribulation.
Now before you go mad on me, please understand that I am not using this information as a measuring stick or the foundation upon which I am building my spiritual life. I simply find it to be ONE of the things Jesus is using to enlighten, encourage and empower me with as I try to move forward with Him.
So I am taking all of this along with A WHOLE LOT of other stuff the Holy Spirit has downloaded over the last months as well as, and most importantly, the wise counsel of the mature and solid people I am blessed to have in my life.
I just had to share this out loud with you because I do know this is a call on my life: to live my life out loud as authentically and shamelessly as I can before you in the hope that you will find the same freedom and life in Jesus that I have.
So, what ARE we going to do with this life HE has giving us?